Library
Ages 12–14
Updated 25 Oct 2026
How your child is growing
- Hormones change as puberty begins. Most boys grow facial and pubic hair and their voices deepen; most girls develop breasts and pubic hair and start their periods.
- Your child cares more about looks and clothes, and may worry about how others see them.
- Moods go up and down more. Your child may swing between high expectations and a lack of confidence.
- The peer group has more influence and affection towards parents is shown less. At times your child may seem rude or short-tempered.
- Thinking becomes more complex, feelings are easier to put into words, and the sense of right and wrong grows stronger.
- Your child makes more of their own choices about friends, sport and study, and may feel stress as schoolwork gets harder.
How you can walk alongside
- Be honest and direct about sensitive subjects such as smoking, drinking, drugs and sex. Ask what your child knows and thinks, then share your own thoughts.
- Respect your child’s opinions and let them see that you are listening. Hear them out and acknowledge it before disagreeing.
- When a conversation heats up, pause, breathe, and come back to it when you are both calm, whether that is in a few hours or a few days.
- In a conflict, be clear about the goals, such as schoolwork or keeping things tidy. Let your child have a say in how and when to reach them.
- Get to know your child’s friends and take an interest in school life. Help them make healthy choices while encouraging them to decide for themselves.
- Give your child reasonable private space. Vinmec advises parents against over-controlling and against secretly reading diaries or messages.
- Read up on puberty so you can talk about it, and share what your own was like. Your child needs accurate information that fits their age.
Changes and things to keep in mind
- At this age your child may meet peer pressure around alcohol, tobacco, drugs and sex. Talk about the value of friends who are into positive things.
- When your child needs more space, you may feel a sense of loss. The CDC notes that seeking independence is a normal part of growing up, and that parents need to look after themselves too.
- Family meals matter: eating together helps teens choose food better and gives everyone time to talk.
- Encourage physical activity, through a sport or through jobs around the house. WHO names healthy sleep and regular exercise among the things that protect adolescents’ mental health.
- Agree a daily limit on screen time together, and favour good-quality content.
- Your child wears a helmet on a bike or motorbike and a seat belt in the car. Know where they are, agree a time to be home, and set clear rules for being home alone.
When to ask a doctor
- Your child feels a lot of sadness, or sadness that lasts, along with falling grades.
- Your child has problems with eating: loss of appetite, weight loss, or strong preoccupation with weight and body shape.
- Your child sleeps badly, withdraws, avoids school, or has sudden changes of mood.
- Your child is using alcohol, tobacco or drugs.
- When you see these signs, talk with your child and seek advice from a doctor or psychologist early.
Sources
- CDC – Positive Parenting Tips for Healthy Child Development: Young Teens (12–14 years of age) (CDC Stacks, PDF) (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- Vinmec – Tâm lý trẻ dậy thì rất phức tạp, cha mẹ cần kiên nhẫn (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- Vinmec – Làm bạn, tâm sự với con khi dậy thì (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- WHO – Mental health of adolescents (fact sheet) (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- CDC – Essentials for Parenting Teens: Tips for Coaching Teens to Recognize and Manage Emotions (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- WHO – Adolescent health (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- CDC – Essentials for Parenting Teens: Tips for Encouraging Independence (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- UNICEF Parenting – 11 tips for communicating with your teen (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
- CDC – Essentials for Parenting Teens: Tips for Understanding and Adapting to the Teen Years (accessed 4 Oct 2026)
This article helps you understand and prepare. It does not replace a check-up. For an answer about your own situation, please ask the doctor who is caring for you.